My girlfriend won't care (haiku)

Me?  Lying coward
Come service my drunk stoned dick
My girlfriend won't care

I'll love it if you gum me

I'm 35 years old, in good shape and looking for someone to suck my dick.  Assuming, of course, that you can find it.  Well, not really so good looking or in such good shape, but I'm fundamentally lazy, and am hoping to find someone to give me a blow job before my dad or my girlfriend's dad dies.

So, old, fat, lonely, unclean, is cool. Don't have teeth, not to fear.  With enough 420, I'll love it if you gum me, cuz, my dick is so little, it won't know the difference.

Drunken ladies of craigslist (haiku)

Drunken ladies of
Craigslist, lend me your ears please
I need sex today

I'm on the messenger OF PURPOSE

to 4- ohm to weekend are necessary some fireworks! 

I' m having super- relaxed after noon Saturday it would fall in love to make with this one the best three-day weekends always! I' m not tested on all with these declarations Craigslist, in actuality each time Of i' ve it always tired in order to hang out something here, only reactions Of i' that obtained ve was from the declarations and spambots. I hope that I it can turn that all around today!

I' m 35 years of old, in grow prettier to form and to search for good time. I' m searching for likable lady which wants smaller attention this evening. Lonely moms and housewife, mature ladies, [tolshchinye] girls, to what I prefer… I' m clean, I strictly believe in the safe sex and I'm opened to meet somewhere for the drink and small of [bormotushk] of [kroshky] in order to break glacial my place quietly, there' s always drink in the presence and I' m definitely 420 friendly if that' s your thing. There' s even [bassein] here if you want to accept sinking. I love woman which [agressivnyya] and isn' t that frightened in order to say what she wants. I? If I end weekend and am obtained smaller oral action in the process, then I' ll it goes to back work on Tuesday with the enormous smile on my side. I' m searching for something this evening; therefore this they give to us the set of time to exchange & pics; have a negotiation - I'm on the messenger OF PURPOSE and moment of the time Of yahoo. Let' conversation s!

Babelfish translation (English-Russian and then back)

Do not mind my bad grammar (haiku)

Swim in my pool and
Do not mind my bad grammar
Or punctuation

Submitted by Julie S.

I'll take arms against a sea of fidelity

To cheat, or not to cheat—is that even a question?

Sure, it’s nobler in the mind to suffer

A lonely Saturday without my girlfriend

But I’ll take arms against a sea of fidelity

And by posting a skeevy Craig’s List ad, end it. To masturbate--

No more--and by finding a pudgy old woman I’ll end

My heartache, and dream of the thousand blowjobs

That my small penis should be heir to. 'Tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wished. To cheat, to fuck!

To fuck, perchance, a thick lonely housewife

For in these dirty trysts, what diseases may come?

That I can pass along to my trusting girlfriend

But that doesn’t give me pause

While conscience does make cowards of most of us,

I’ve discovered I have no conscience

So, your place or mine?

Huge frown on my face (haiku)

Try to cheat but can't
Why won't anyone respond
Huge frown on my face