When you say "good shape" (haiku)

When you say "good shape"
Do you mean "Am thirty-five,
seeking girls through AIM?"

Pretend to be super nice and sweet

I'm having a super relaxed Saturday afternoon and would love to make this one of the best three day weekends ever! I'm not experienced at all with these Craigslist ads, in fact every time I've ever tired to post something here, the only responses I've received were from ads and spambots. I hope I can turn that around today!

I'm 35 years old, in good shape and looking for a good time. I'm looking for a lovely lady that wants a little attention this evening. Lonely moms and housewives, mature ladies, thick girls, are what I prefer ... I'm clean, I strictly believe in safe sex, but I find it annoying, so am open to a one-time-only-anything-goes weekend and I'd prefer a super-quick meeting somewhere for a drink and a little chit chat to break the ice. After that, if you want to help me explore my “dark side” we can take off immediately. My place is quiet, there's always a drink on hand and I'm definitely 420 friendly if that's your thing. There's even a pool here if you want to take a dip. I like a woman who is aggressive and isn't afraid to order me to do her bidding (the more disgusting and humiliating the better). Me? If I end the weekend with some souvenirs in the form of bruises, bites, hand-cuff marks and a swollen cock, I'll go back to work on Tuesday with a huge smile on my face. I'm looking for something this evening, so this gives us plenty of time to exchange pics & have a conversation – it will make MY fantasy better if you pretend to be super nice and sweet when we chat and meet – and only turn Dominant and Aggressive on me after we are alone (help me out, here – please)!!!  - I'm on AIM and Yahoo instant messenger. Let's talk!

Submitted by Grace at Corset Connection dot com

Integrity lack (haiku)

Oral pleasure ad
Cue lies and consequences
Integrity lack

Who wants a Cornish Game Hen when you can have a Butterball

List under MFWWLSE (men looking for women with low self esteem)

Looking for Fireworks!

Longtime reader, but first-time poster to Casual Encounters seeks lovely lady(s) to “round out” my awesome but lonely three-day weekend.

Me? I’m 35 years old, lazy, deceitful, and looking for a good time. I’m clean-ish, I believe in safe-ish sex, and I’ll probably be willing to give you beer or let you light one up to put you in the mood. If you play your cards right. And if you bring the Mary Jane. Because I’m all out.

I live by myself (my mom lives upstairs—it’s not really a “basement”), and I/we have a pool, in case you’re into dipping skinny, as they say.

I’m into real ladies—the older, lonelier, and fleshier, the better. Who wants a Cornish Game Hen when you can have a Butterball?! And, if you’re aggressive and/or off your anti-depression medication, all the better.

If I end the weekend without a lawsuit or an STD, and with a little oral action in the process, I'll go back to work on Tuesday with a huge smile on my face. I'm looking for something this evening, so this gives us plenty of time to exchange pics & have a conversation. I’m on AIM, Yahoo, MSN, Trillian, Pidgin, Google Buzz, Foursquare, Twitter, MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn, Farmville, Vampire Wars, Mafia Wars, Friendster, Flickr, and Compuserve.  Let's talk!

My hands are tired

Hi, it's looking like it's going to be one hell of a long, lonely 3-day weekend filled with nothing but my own miserable company. My goal is to get a blow job, because my hands are tired and my girlfriend was smart enough to dump my sorry, lying ass. I am targeting lonely moms, housewives, and fat chicks because I think you have no self-esteem and are desperate enough to do anything to please a man. I'm an unattractive, pudgy, self-centered, immature 35 yr old man who drinks too much. What more could a woman want? I'll meet you somewhere, pretend I'm interested in you, get you drunk or stoned, and tell you that I'll wear a condom so you'll come home with me.  I like aggressive women because I'm lazy, and I don't really care about you at all, I just want to get blown and fall asleep. You can let yourself out the door. Charming? That's me.

My zucchini needs some washin'

"I'm stoned out of my gourd and looking for some lovins. How about you, pumpkin? Or make that plumpkin, if you get my drift. There's a bar to warm things up and a pool if things get too hot. My zucchini needs some washin'!"

I do have a penis, though

I am an ass. That's probably not what you're looking for, but that's what you'll get.

I haven't had much luck yet, but I am trying to cheat on my girlfriend as soon as possible, and I hope you are in a similar situation. This makes me untrustworthy, unfeeling and unworthy. I do have a penis though, so give me a call.